I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
