dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
