I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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