Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
