I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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