Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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