I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Success! We fucked roommates!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
