Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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