i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
