Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
