Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
