If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
