My room smells like vodka and shame
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize