i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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