I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
