apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
