He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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