Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
