Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have aggressive nipples.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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