peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I've blown a few things in my day
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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