i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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