I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
