I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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