I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
