hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
