Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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