you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
