oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize