Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it glows. i had to have it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
