it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
