Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I understand Curling. That high.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
