Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
