then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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