how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
