I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize