I showed him my bush... on skype.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
