i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
