someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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