i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize