everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
