YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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