My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
