you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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