Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize