the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
