I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
