pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
