My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dignity is for republicans.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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