I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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