I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
