It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
