ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
