i dedicated my morning wood to you.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
