your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
