I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
