I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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