lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
