I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
