i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Randomize
