She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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