I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
