You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
How external is "for external use only"?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
