forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
