and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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