Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
