she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
