This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hippo gnu deer
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize