not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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