Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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