Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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