dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
