Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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