Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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