You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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